one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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