we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
