make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
