if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
