the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
