I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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