This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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