my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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