Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
