They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
