so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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