How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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