you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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