I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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