farters have to be the big spoon...
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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