just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
