I want to make a zoo with you.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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