I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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