so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
