I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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