my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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