k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
