party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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