I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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