That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
