Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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