You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
