I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
