dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize