a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
