There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
