We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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