If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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