If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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