Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
