Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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