My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
