i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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