just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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