so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
