Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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