He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
