It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
