Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
