your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
