so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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