its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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