I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
well you can't waste a boner
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize