if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
