I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
