i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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