Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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