Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
