I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
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