i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Can I color on your dick again?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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