I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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