Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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