I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
