The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My bed smells like the plague
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
