I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
