You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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