theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
