see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
