Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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