fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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