He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
