it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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