could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
