I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
