Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Randomize