Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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