How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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