You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
