we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
