Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
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