Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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