im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
