It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
