So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
