Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
