Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize