Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You're a waste of cheezeits
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
