we should wear snuggies to the strip club
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
