Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
