I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Randomize
