my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
tell me about the eggs
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
