Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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