I hate your face
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Randomize
