I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
