So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize