we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
