there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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