you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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