When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Ambien. No doubt about it.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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