I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
She said her name was "party"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
