I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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