once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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