we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
