Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
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